Mamachel
So recently while washing the dishes and talking to my friend on whatsapp (an acquired skill) I got this month’s topic.
My friend has recently broken up with her boyfriend of 10 years and we were doing the obligatory “You’ll be fine, it’s all for the best” conversation. However, to be honest I was thinking to myself between suds and typing “This is going to be a f*cking disaster”.
Do not get me wrong, I applaud my friend and her partner for having the guts to sit down, be mature, and decide that their relationship wasn’t working and that they were not happy anymore. But as someone who has side-eyed the hell out of monogamy for years now (off and on depending on who I’m talking to) this brought up my own fears of “Why bother?” moment.
The fact is that for every successful marriage there are at least five stories of divorce and three couples still pretending to be happy. It’s difficult not to get jaded. Be honest, there are times when you catch yourself thinking “If they couldn’t work out, then what chance do I have?” Well, keen observation has led me to the conclusion that there are layers to this. 
We have to be careful about what we deem to be successful relationships because in the game of love NOTHING is conventional. Oftentimes we get caught up in this preordained notion of what love is. We will meet someone who takes our breath away, we will go on a couple dates, move in, get married, have kids, be happy and host dinner parties. That sounds neat – too neat…love is never neat.
Love is a messy, layered cake and you might have the kids first, never get married, eat out of plastic plates and get annoyed from time to time. Although this is not what it is ‘supposed’ to look like, you’ll be fine nonetheless. In this messy, layered cake (butter pecan frosting because it’s my article) we have:
1.) The Base – This is the very foundation that your relationships throughout life are going to be based on. What you are and are not willing to compromise on. For example, infidelity. For some of my friends it’s one wayward text message to the door and for others it’s a workable situation.
2.) The Centre – This is where you find balance. This part of the cake holds on to the base but looks towards what’s to come. It’s going to use what it needs from the base for a topping. Not everything will be used this is why it’s important to have a solid base.
3.) The Topping – I made this cake three layers however it can go on and on. This is where you show out, where all your ideals are sealed in. You have to be very careful what you put at the top.
4.) Frosting – The camouflage, what we all put out there to convince people and potential mates that we are well put together. Unfortunately for some it isn’t always applied neatly and people can tell.
Many people want to have their cake and be able to eat it too, without ensuring that the layers are all complete. Sometimes, when we’re done we’re upset because it doesn’t look like we think it should.
I get why my friend ended a ten year relationship, frankly we all thought it was nine years too long, and she had become exhausted and created way too many layers and was running out of frosting.
Some of us give up without even deciding what flavour we want our cake to be. So if you’re dating or in a relationship and things are not exactly what or where you want them to be, take a step back and remember “There are layers to this shit”.
Now I want dessert dammit!
P.S. If you’re a guy and thought about the movie Layer Cake while reading this article we MIGHT can get married 
